


like BLUE

by wapiti



Category: Star Trek
Genre: Complete and utter bullshit, Crack, Explicit Language, I mean it's really bad, M/M, Mild Language, Parody, The whole fic is a joke please don't think this is a serious attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-06
Updated: 2013-07-06
Packaged: 2017-12-17 22:04:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/872454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wapiti/pseuds/wapiti
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>welcome to the tragic life of princess mister spock and his jetpacked prince.  alternate title: ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT</p>
            </blockquote>





	like BLUE

**Author's Note:**

> this entire thing is a joke fic written for a friend and i really hope i didnt miss any grammar rules for this site. please enjoy
> 
> (dedicated to tumblr user commanderspockvevo)

once upon a time there was a beautiful princess named mister spock. his parents were drunk when they named him. please do not ask.

princess mister spock had a hard and illogical life. first of all, he was a princess. also his pointy ears always got caught in his long flowing hair. also he was stuck in a tower far above the ground. his mother was killed by some other jealous pointy eared lady because his dad was hot and she wanted 2 be the queen. the new queen didnt really like him, but thats not why hes in the tower. hes in the tower because she smells bad and also if he stays in the lower floors his delicate ears hear his dad and the ladyqueenthing having lots of sex 24/7. so he cried mathematically and moved to the top of the tower.

he was currently trapped in said tower because, as previously mentioned, his dad and the queen had sex like all the freakin time. it was so nasty like kid u dont even know

spock gathered his satiny dress and sat on the floor and cried, wishing some handsome prince would come save him from his sex-addicted parents.

that night, as he lie awake in bed all alone in silence, he stared up at the night sky, watching the stars. he wondered if there was any handsome prince left in the world, or one that would want to rescue him.

THEN THERE CAME A ROCKET NOISE AND SPOCK WAS JOLTED TO ATTENTION. A LARGE THING CRASHED INTO THE TOWER TOP AND THROUGH THE WINDOW. THERE WAS LOTS OF SMOKE AND THE THING SCREAMED AND MADE LOTS OF SMOKE AND BANGING NOISES

when the smoke cleared, mister spock saw a figure in the rubble................ a HUMAN figure. in a jetpack. a MAN HUMAN FIGURE, A HOT MAN FIGU

wait no it was just an average man kind of. well it was hard to tell because he was covered in dirt and beat the fuck up pretty bad hah

princess mister spock crouched by the smoky man’s side and rolled him over and pulled him out of the mess of rocks and tower stuff with his GIGANTIC MUSCLES.

he pulled the jetpack off of the man and put the man on his bed and started trying to clear the smoke. after the smoke was mostly gone, he started picking up broken tower pieces off of the floor, because a princess has to have a nice room yk.

when he threw the rock out the window he heard a screech and a loud string of _**swear words**_. when he looked out the window, he saw another man climbing up the side of the tower. he automatically hated this man. he didnt know why. this man was truly average. he was also very loud and angry.

the man climbed up through the window and completely ignored princess spock and went over to the dead man on the bed. he was still swearing. princess spock still didnt like him.

the angry swearing man swore at the dead man for a long time and stabbed him with stuff and then the DEAD MAN CAME BACK TO LIFE. he wasnt dead after all he just passed out.

jetpackman opened his eyes and they were so bright blue they lit up the whole tower. wait no that was the sun because it was morning now. but his eyes were bright blue. like really really blue. like **BLUE**

and princess mister spock fell in love with jetpackman instantly. they were soulmates. it was meant to be. very gay.

angryman swore at jetpackman again. jetpackman ignored him and looked at princess spock. “my name is jim ur pretty cute i think” he said 2 the princess. angryman got more angry.

“his ears are fucked up and his eyebrows need work. i hate him” angryman said. “my name is leonard mccoy please dont touch me.”

princess spock didnt even want to touch him, he smelled kind of weird. “whatever my name is princess mister spock now tell me what you ragamuffins are going in my tower please” he said very unemotionally with his hands on his hips.

“this dumbshit was trying to fly a jetpack and he doesnt know how.”

“yeah i crashed im sorry princess i will help you rebuild your tower.”

“i dont need your help and i dont like the tower anyway.” princess mister spock began to cry and told the two guys about his sex-addict parents and why he was in the tower and how he wished someone would rescue him.

“well thats easy i can rescue you” said jim jimmybob boy 2 the princess

“but youre not a prince and i cant just LEAVE my parents they might be sad”

“well no one would miss you so you’re all set there” said leono mccoy. princess spock threw something at him and he shut up.

“but princess mister spock......................................... I AM A PRince.” said jimbo. “prince of the enterprise”

“what the heck is an enterprise”

“its a SPACE SHIP” jim shouted loudly

princess spock began to cry from happiness. a prince was here to rescue him. finally after 4000 years. “please take me with you” cried spock

“ok” jim said and picked spock up and also grabbed leonard mccoy and dragged them to the window. “lets go back to the ship”

jim jumped out the window and the jetpack carried them into the night sky. he crashed into a tree 30 feet from the tower.

“fucking hell jim just tell them to beam us back up how stupid are you”

“okay bones i will do the thing.” jim called the enterprise space ship on his super fancy nokia and told them to do it. they beamed up the three men onto the ship. they landed on the floor.

“HOLA CAPtain” said the man at the transporter station.

“hello i have returned with a princess thing” he said and pointed at princess spock. “theres something wrong with him but thats okay.”

mccoy angryman started 2 swear again and left. jimbles showed mister spock the whole ship. mister spock did not like the ship a whole lot but it was better than a tower where he could often hear the echo of parent sex through the windowes. the ship would look better if it was pink. he told jim that. jim was not very happy. james liked the ship very much it was his #1 lady.

jammes took spock to the bridge first. “this is my special captain chair u can sit in it if u want but NO ONE ELSE.” spock sat in hte chair and looked at the ugly bridge crew. they were all very busy being ugly.

“these two guys are jackoff and solo cup.” jim pointed at two ugly people in front of spock. jackoff had large eyes and was small and probably like 12 years old. solo cup was not red. he didnt like jackoff or solo cup.

“this is uruha” jim said and pointed at a lady to spocks right. she smiled and she had REALLY NICE WHITE TEETH. she was NOT UGLY. spock was very suspicious of her.

jim took princess spoc k to the engine room next. “this is scotty. but not like the dog” he pointed at a guy. the guy was ugly just like the rest of the crew. spock hated them all. “he is in love with the ship i think so thats why i had to come get you because we cant share he says.” jim looked a lil bit sad but spock was better than a ship anyway.

a lady came out toward them. she was okay spock thought, but her hair was plain. he hated her, too. “this is carolina marker” jim said.

“whatever lets go make out” spock said

“ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT “jim said very enthusiastically and took spock off to the observatory to make out.

everyone kept calling jim a captain and not a prince and spock was very confused. he and jim were in the observatory room now and sat on a bench. they had not made out yet. spock narrowed his eyes very intensely at james. “are u sure ur a prince because im not” he said to jim.

jim began to sweat nervously. “i i i i mean i am um im a uh well”

“PLEASE just spit it out youre not cute when u cant talk right” spock slapped him.  
  
“IM NOT A PRINCE I AM A CAPTAIN.......... but its like the same thing kind of. please dont leave me i dont want to be lonely anymore”

spock narrowed his eyes even more. he could no longer see. “OKAY jimbles whatever u say” spock got up dramatically and went to the door. “i will stay i guess its better than a tower. but you kind of suck. and youre not even that pretty youre like maybe above average.”

spock LEFT.

jim only cried a little bit.

and they became space husbands.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

meanwhile in the vulcan castle, spocko’s parents continued to have sex until they died and never even noticed he was gone.

THE END


End file.
